Remember those old days of Hobart, before we had any clue at all what we were doing? (Not that we have all that much figured you now but... you know... more.) Remember when we posted weird, random reviews of stuff? Remember when a good percentage of those reviews were written Brad and we made fun of his lack of desire (or ability?) to use proper grammar or, often, make much sense at all, but we posted the reviews as they came in anyway, sans editing, because we thought that was all part of the charm? Remember when he guest edited a web issue, and most of the stories were about pirates? (sidenote: clicking through those links can be a kind of fun look back at the various looks of Hobart over the years.)
If you remember those times, and if you are like us and spend too much time looking backward with fond nostalgia, then you miss Brad and his kooky reviews. Lucky for you... he's back! So, with nor further ado, here goes...
jet skis ********************
my buddies and i all agreed that when one of us ever won the lottery, the winner would, out of the goodness of his heart, buy a jet ski for all the guys. the sitting down kind, not the stand up kind that requires circue de soleil balance to even stand up on it. make no mistake about it - the standie ones are hard to get going, plus you'll most definitely have a massive bruise on your leg by the end of the day from the jet. a warning: you wont know about this bruise until the next morning when you get out of bed, and it will scare the crap out of you. you will then try to figure out how the heck a bruise that big and dark could ever end up on the entire region of one of your upper thighs, and many scenarios as to how this happened while you slept will play themselves out in your mind. this will frighten you. then, shortly after breakfast, you will come to understand that it came from hours of impact from the jet as you tried to maneuver yourself from a prone position to a standing position while giving the jet ski ample throttle. sitting jet skis. sitting indeed.
one time my wife brought a HUGE watermelon home from the store and she had to cut it into cubes so it could all be refrigerated. after she cut it she put the cubes into a HUGE tupperware bowl and brought it over to me to have a "few" pieces. after i finished the entire bowl she was like, "you ate ALL that watermelon?!" i was like, "chill, baby. its watermelon. you should have known."
wetting the bed after eating a HUGE watermelon **
theres nothing really cool at all about adult-watermelon-induced-bed-